Today I miss Seattle. As I was looking through some photography sites, I spotted the MHGS bookmark on our toolbar and clicked it. There is a video that was created over the past year at the top. Even though I have seen it several times, I clicked it to watch it yet again. After about a minute I found myself crying.
Seattle holds such a dear and precious place in my heart and in my story. The three years we spent there were not only transformative for Mike and for us as a family but for me as in individual. I began to hear my own voice and began to believe that it is a voice of strength and beauty. I began to believe in my heart and trusted that my desires and passions are worth pursuing.
Seattle was home. Looking back at the pictures I remember the comfort I felt there. A place where my voice was heard. A place where I didn’t have to explain my thoughts and people just seemed to get it. A place where a crazy passion was not critiqued but served as an inspiration and a starting point to begin dreaming. A place where what matters to me most, also mattered to others. A place that I called home.
When we moved back to Michigan we knew Seattle would be dearly missed. We knew that there would be a void left by the friends that became our family there. We knew that we would miss all the walks around Green Lake, the wine parties, the Settlers games, the Zera night and the Sunday afternoons. And yet we chose to leave. We chose to head back to family where the boys could be close to grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We chose to take what we had learned about ourselves and our world and desired to create our lives here. We chose to say goodbye in the hopes that we were saying yes to a new chapter in which we would continue to journey together. We chose what, as a family, we thought would be the best decision for all of us.
I still believe in our decision. I love the way family can light up the boys faces. I look forward to having the boys close to family this Christmas and am eager to see how life begins to play out as we establish our routines and rituals here. I desire to reclaim the passions that once fueled my daily routines. I look forward to finding those passions in me that make me desire more, that make me want to make the world a better place for my boys.
And yet today I cry because today is one of those days that I just really miss Seattle. I miss the comfort and the friendships. I miss the routines and the life we had established together. I miss the beauty of the mountains and the comfort of a latte on a rainy afternoon. I miss the understanding of a listening ear and the encouragement of a friends hug. I miss the strength and beauty I felt within myself. I miss the values I found in the diverse culture and the realizations of what really matters. Today I miss Seattle, a place I still find myself calling home.
